Hi everybody! After taking a wee break and putting the internet away for a day, I am feeling much better! Yessiree, everything is right as rain. In fact, things are SO peachy keen that I'm going to do all of you thoughtful, thoughtful Pens fans who went through all of that trouble to drop me a line ("Toolbag"...you're just so damned cute!), a small favour.
Some of you have made the observation that I'm too...what was it again...oh yeah: "fond of complaining". Too negative. Too much of a downer, man. I can't tell you how touched I was by all of you who cared enough about my mental well being to tear yourselves away from your favourite web sites, featuring as they do random gay bashings and mockingly cruel PhotoShops of personal tragedies, in order to offer your unsolicited advice. So nice.
So in response, and without further ado, allow me to introduce your guest author for this very special edition of The Creamy Middle, MISTER SUPER HAPPY FUN GUY!! Take it away...um...SUPER!
Thanks SLC. And let me start by saying that I just LOVE EVERYBODY! Even Jeffrey! Now, let's get on with it, shall we?
The Awesomely Fantastical Wonderful Highs That May Never Be Topped Ever:
- Pittsburgh, Torino, TomAYto, TomAHto: Oh, Martin, I could just hug you. 52 shots against and you only let four in! That was GREAT! It was like the 2006 Olympics all over again. Well, except for the four goals. But, remember that one? You shut out Team Canada 2-0 and everyone in the country said as if with one voice "WOW! Who the hell is Martin Gerber??" Any chance you can do that again? Like, say, Monday??
- Don't worry son. Everybody gets a trophy. Even the...um..."non winners": So close. You scratched, clawed and chewed your way back from three goals down, only to lose in the end. I want all of you to know that we still love you and that there is absolutely no truth to the rumour that losing this game with sixteen seconds to go sent your humble scribe into his (thankfully very rural) front yard in the dead of night to scream obscenities at the Canada geese nesting in the corn field across the road. Nope. Didn't happen at all.
- However did you escape?: Cody! FANTASTIC GAME! And thank god you're still here! As one of the few prospects to have survived the storied tenure of one John Muckler, you are fast becoming the very symbol of hope for our beleaguered fan base that we indeed have, between you, Master Lee and Spawn of Mike, a solid foundation upon which to build our mediocrity for years to come.
- Awww...isn't that cute. He's trying to share: You're such a generous soul Jason. Even with all of those meanies in black and yellow trying to hurt you, you managed to stay true to your nature and made sure to include them too. It was particularly nice of you to give them the puck when you thought maybe we'd hogged it too long. And look at this! You get a Super Happy Fun Guy Bonus Gold Star by allowing them to knock you off the puck inside our blueline, and thus setting up their third goal! Your parents must be very proud.
- Yeeesss...you were a very good boy too: Don't worry Wade, I haven't forgotten you. If it hadn't been for Jason's unselfishness, YOU would have received the Gold Star. No, really! It was SO nice to see you letting the Penguins entertain their home crowd by not doing anything that might prevent them from scoring. And I'm absolutely sure that Messrs. Gonchar or Whitney will be happy to return the favour when the games are in Ottawa. They double-dog promised!
- Oh, you poor poor dears. Have some brownies: It's such a hard job isn't it? Having to skate up and down the ice, a million things going on at once, everything a blur of speed and bodies. No, I don't envy the referees at all. So who am I to criticize if they need a little help deciding what's right and what's wrong? And if that help comes in the guise of an ever so slight embellishment by a known provocateur who was kind enough to launch himself in the air in agony as if pole-axed by a two-by-four after feeling a stick blade on his shoulder...well, the lad was only being helpful, wasn't he?
Now this is the part where SLC would usually give a quick recap of a game, trying very much to give an honest assessment of what he saw and talk openly about how he felt about it. But we're not going to do that today, are we? Absolutely not! That would be far, far too...negative. So let me say in his stead that we LOVED this game. Adored it. The fact that we could help the Penguins keep their fans happy, even just a little, just warms the cockles of my heart. Of course, if they don't feel the need to return the favour in our two home games, well that's okay too! We're all about the love and respect here at Five For Smiting. And the best news of all? If we keep this up, I will be able to get to all of those slips of paper Missus Super Happy Fun Gal has been putting in the job jar that much sooner! See? Win-win! Back to you, SLC, you super wonderful guy, you!
Thanks, SHFG! One last loose end to tie up and we can all get back to our big group hug. And The Masters...
You know who. You know when, and you know where. I'm going out to get my prescription refilled. TTFN!