East Quarter, Game 1 -- Period 2: Man Down! Let Us Pray...A-Train, Who Art In Stitches...

-- Now that Jim Hughson and Gary Galley have mentioned it four times in fifteen seconds, we can now rest assured that we have it on good authority that Spezz and Heater will be playing "A LOT!" Those of us who hadn't noticed that they've been double shifted since minute two of the first period thank you.

-- Other helpful information from the CBC...we've missed the net with 11 shots. 11! Eleven times we can't zero in on a target 24 square feet in size!

-- Paging Mr. Neil. Mr. Neil, please report to the ice surface. Paging Mr. Neil. Mr. Neil, please report to...

-- Talbot, Roberts, Laracque. Throw in Pestilence and I'm building a bomb shelter.

-- OH DEAR GOD, NOT A-TRAIN!!

-- I sense a disturbance in The Force. Too soon to tell who it might be.

-- Anton? Buddy? You okay??

-- Oh my heavens! I do believe I've just seen a forecheck! By a rookie! To draw a penalty! Good job Spawn. Good job indeed.

-- Marty Lapointe. Two minutes for being sexually molested by both MAF and Talbot. Okay then. But I'll take the 5-on-3.

-- On which we couldn't score. FUCK! Missed the net nicely though. Twice.

-- Somebody better tell me what's going on with A-Train, like RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

-- I hereby dub the defensive pairing of Wade Redden and Andrej Meszaros, Fucknuts 1 and Fucknuts 1A respectively. Please make them go away!!

-- End of the 2nd, still 2-0 Pens, and we're lucky to have it. SOG? Haven't a clue. I think they stopped telling me to save me the embarrassment. True to form over the last four months, we stopped skating in the second and gave up any good mojo we built up in the first.

-- Sens Player of the Period: Marty Gerber. Do I see a shit-scary black mask peeking out behind that flaky crust? I think I do. At least I hope so.

-- A-Train? Anybody? News? Seriously, if you need an eye, I'll be on the next flight to Pittsburgh. PLEASE COME BACK!