I, For One, Welcome Our New Avian Overlords

I will mention it here, and only once. We will be paying for that opening "act" for a long, long time. It wasn't bad enough that we are ridiculed league wide as a soft team who hides behind their mother's skirt at the first sign of a playoff belch (and then proceed to prove the peanut gallery right by playing in just that way...but more on that in a bit), but now...well consider the following exchange:

"Hey, Bob! The wife and I are spending some time in Ottawa!"

"Really? Do me a favour will ya? Find out what the deal is with that Pillsbury dough-boy with the leather diaper and the Bissel mop on his head. You know, the one with the stutter."

So as you read the taunting words contained in this, our last (if the Gods are kind to us) missive from our new friend FrankD of PensBurgh.com, keep in mind that, while his strangely homo erotic closings are a bit awkward (yet strangely flattering) we deserve every single searing word. Our egregious sin in the eyes of Man, God and a vast majority of the world's stage directors demands it.

Dear Ottawa's Finest

Please do me a favor - don't kick off Wednesday night's festivities with that scantly clad dropout actor from the movie 300. That was by far one of the cheesiest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some big cheese. The least you could've done was make sure his audio worked properly.

But I will say - you guys sure can sing. Nice work on the anthem. I'll always admire the dual anthem introduction.

It really looked like you guys wanted to play hockey on Monday night. I mean, you came flying out of the gate like Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet line - for the first third of the game at least. To see the second period start at a scoreless tie really irked me. But I knew the Pens would come around soon enough.

Ottawa, as you may have noticed, score first. Some guy I never heard of. Was that one of your B-Sens call-ups? I'm just curious. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter much. Especially since the game's hype was focused around Spezza and Alfreddson playing injured/returning from injury, respectively. Funny thing is, I don't recall their presence on the ice.

I saw Hossa though. Remember when you guys had him? I also saw Crosby and Malone and Talbot. All of these guys hit the board with a point or more. I didn't see your stars do much.

Oh yeah - Spezza got a pity assist.

I could continue rambling, but really what's the point? This debacle and sad excuse for a playoff series ends Wednesday night. Perhaps if you're nice Pitt will hand you one out of pity and shake hands at center ice in Pittsburgh. That'd be a nice playoff image.

Polish off those golf clubs.

One love,
FrankD
Pensburgh.com

Be sure to check in on his site from time to time. I'll be sending him my witty retort shortly. Just as soon as I figure out how to apologize grovel surrender maintain a semblance of dignity.