East Quarter, Game 1 -- Period 1: A Stake Through The Black Heart Of Gary Roberts!

-- Why is it that every team in every league in the world has the same fan? Namely, the bottle blonde 60 year old woman of...um..."generous"...proportions with blue eyeshadow to the temples, usually sitting in the first three rows, wearing the home town hero's jersey festooned with over sized buttons and pins? Weird. The Clone Wars have begun people!

-- This is not an auspicious beginning Wade. Care to explain how you let GARY FUCKING ROBERTS knock you off the puck JUST LIKE EVERYBODY'S FUCKING LITTLE SISTER HAS BEEN DOING ALL FUCKING YEAR...ahem...sorry, sorry. But, um, Wade? Here's a hint to make you a better player. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ASS!

-- First Spezza Dumb Ass Pass (DAP) through the middle to nobody: 2:57 in. Yep. Right on time.

-- Big stop on Robitaille (wait? what??). Somebody PLEASE tell MAF the playoffs have started.

-- Swiss Pastry IN. DA. HOUSE! You can't tell, but I'm actually weeping.

-- Cody Bass on the PK. I'm not sure if that speaks more to the confidence The Bryan has in the rookie, or the general suckiness of our penalty kill. Discuss amongst yourselves.

-- Second Spezza Dumb Ass Pass (DAP) through the middle to nobody: 18:30 in. Cool! Bookends!

-- End of the 1st, 2-0 Pens, SOG -- 10-8 Pittsburgh. Solid if unspectacular performance despite the score. Two (HUGE) mistakes, two Pens goals. It's that easy. A little more hitting would be nice. A lot less Wade Redden would be even better.

-- Sens Player of the Period: Shean Donovon

-- Oh. And FUCK Gary Roberts. Fuck Gary Roberts right in the ear.