Saturday, March 31, 2007

Don Cherry Says You Should Always Watch Your Back Door.

Um, well, here we are, a Saturday night on CBC and everything on the various broadcasts can best be described as collective train wreck really.

First: Ottawa/Islanders: Ottawa wins (YAY!!). Broadcast looks like it's being beamed from Mars and Don Whitman is doingthe play-by-play from his mother's basement in Hamiliton...At one point his colour guy (who's name I can't remember for the life of me) is rendered mute because his mike craps out. This means that Don has to carry the game by himself. With predictable (and laughable) results. THEN the screen goes black for about five minutes. Poor Don is totally panicked. His monitor is gone...his side-kick is gone. Watcha gonna do punk?? SHOOT THE HOSTAGE!! you do if you're Don Whittman is recite statistics until either the picture comes back, or your audience begins to threaten your family unless you just SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Um...sorry...I'm better...o.k.....

Second: Leaf/Penguins: After the Sens win (YAY!!) we get shuffled off to Toronto. Just long enough, it turns out, to watch Pittsburgh score with 4 (FOUR!!) seconds left to tie. So we're going to O.T. Great. Just as soon as the nice firemen save the life of the nice Leaf fan who has decided that tonight, in front of a national audience, at a key point in the game, would be a GREAT time to die. Really. I'm not making this up. We're waiting while the T.O. EMT are "resussitating" a Leafs fan. Live. Man...if he lives, he'll be looking for some compped tickets.

Now, ordinarily I'd rather urinate down my own throat than wish for a Laughs win, but this being the time of year when war makes for strange bedfellows, I actually need Toronto to...YEAH!! AND THEY JUST DID!!...the Senators REALLY needed T.O. to take the extra point away from Crosby and Co. to keep home-ice in a likely first round series. Now they have, and all is well. For now. But for you Leaf fans, this doesn't mean we'll be picking out curtains or nothin'....

You may be asking what the deal is with the title. Well let me show you. Ah...Don Cherry and his inadvertant double-entendres of a homersecshul nature. Who says Coach's Corner is safe for the kids?

Update: The guy lived by-the-by, which is really cool, because, among other things, I would have felt really really shitty for making light of it the way I did.

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