Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter

Congratulations! You have officially reached the bottom of the Internet! This is Five For Smiting. Our mission: to celebrate in every way possible that won’t result in a lawsuit, the slack-jawed troglodytes that happen to be descended from the same branch of the simian family* as the rest of us, the incredibly stupid amusing hilarious accidental things they do, and the people who love them! Oh…and hockey.

*Um…disclaimer number 1: If you are of the belief that Mother Earth and everything on it sprang whole and perfect from the left nostril of some Great Omniscient Being (hey look! Pat Robertson!) or Great Omniscient Alien ( YA HEARD ME CRUISE!), you might want to just reach up there with the little arrow God gave Bill Gates and click on the back button. Top left…nope, too high...down a bit…a little more. There ya go! Bye!

The idea behind this little exercise in self-flagellation is to combine my love of THE Game (as it will be henceforth known, forever and ever, amen) with the same thing 3.2 billion other people on the internet are combining THEIR interests with, namely fart jokes! Uh…no, wait…that’s not it… Making fun of people that aren’t me! Yeah! That’s it…phew…almost had a moment of introspection there. But I’m over it.

Mostly though, we just want to get mentioned on Deadspin.com, at whose feet we worship and humbly grovel…Giddy UP!