Large Carniverous Birds!! I'd Hit That!

Sometimes, every once in a while, on extremely rare and magnificent occasions, the planets line up just so, triggering a series of events that result in the most sublime combination of words ever to appear in a headline.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have such a moment. I give you, from the Moscow Times, the following: Man Found Dead, Naked Inside Owl Cage.

Sooooo many things jump out of the story, and simultaneously at that, my head actually hurts. I'll let you judge for yourselves, but for my money, the best line of the entire story is:

"At this point, no one quite knows what happened. Luparev apparently hit his head on the ground -- possibly following an altercation with the owl -- and fell unconscious."

Hmmm...what kind of an "altercation"...um...exactly...could a drunk, naked guy have with an owl? Somewhere, there's a Ducks Unlimited member smiling knowingly.

Man Found Dead, Naked Inside Owl Cage [The Moscow Times]

Hoot, There It Is [Deadspin]