Saturday, February 16, 2008

Please John, Don't Make Me Shove This Someplace Unpleasant

Ray Emery will start after Martin Gerber took the overtime loss vs. the Devils Wednesday night. The "win and you're in" approach doesn't seem to have brought the Senators any closer to a definitive No. 1 goalie.

Paddock didn't sound like he's any closer to a decision on who's No. 1.

John, have I ever mentioned I have a cigar? Yep. I bought it the day after Game 5 of the Finals, the same day I wrote this. And not just any cigar. This puppy cost me close to fifty bucks. The nice gentleman wearing the trench coat assured me personally that this particular Cohiba had been hand rolled betwixt the thighs of a 21 year old Mayan virgin. Even if I hadn't been in such a hurry to get out of that alley, I wouldn't have had it any other way. In fact it was one of the conditions of sale, for this cigar had, and still has, a purpose. This is destined to be my Victory Smoke. This cigar will be lit, and consumed with great pleasure, possibly accompanied by a glass of 40 year old scotch (neat please. I'm no barbarian), when, and only when, Captain MVP takes his lap around the ice holding the Cup aloft. And yet, you want to take that away from me. Why, John? Why?

After what has been an exquisitely shitty week here at Casa De Cojones (the reason I haven't been around much. Sorry Mom), all I want is to watch tonight's game against the Devils, to see if Stillman and Commie have come any closer to gelling with their new team, to watch us finally start to get our shit together. And then you decide to play musical goalies again, starting Rayzor, despite the fact that Pastry was one of the few Senators who had, by all (impossible to verify due to the infuriating lack of television coverage) accounts, a rather good game Wednesday night. And why is that again?
"I don't think it's based on anything specific," he said of his decision to start Emery.
Not based on "anything specific". Hmmm....Another mark of your genius, I suppose. After all, why take a chance on actually letting one of our guys gain some confidence and get hot, if it means proving the increasingly evident fact that you don't have a fucking clue what you're doing.

And so, I can only stare at my cigar as it sits in its custom made humidor, mocking me. Am I destined to smoke it this year? It's looking increasingly unlikely. So, should I just say "Fuck it" and spark it up now? After all, if it doesn't happen this year, I have a feeling it will be quite a long time before we're in the same position and even Mayan virgins can't make anything last forever. I'm close John. So very close. But I think I'll wait a bit longer before completely giving up, John. I'll see how it shakes out. Make no mistake John, it's completely on your head. Besides, Beloved has made it rather clear that I will only smoke it outside and February is really fucking cold.


Anonymous said...

Smoke it in October when the Red Sox win the World Series again.

Believe will all be a lot more satisfying on a crisp autumn evening.

~Patch Lightweight

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Hey Patch, nice to finally see you around these here parts.'t there a bandwagon you should be chasing somewhere? :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the welcome LoCo....but not chasing any wagons lately. I'm bandwagonned out. I'm wondering if the Carp Riverboys Bandwagon has Emergency Exits with inflatable slides.....perhaps we'll find out closer to April......

(Go Bruins!)

Loser Domi said...

the picture looks like an upclose of a live-version of Intergra Hellsing:

I'm not an anime fiend, but I do love Hellsing.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Um...thanks LD. But at the risk of destroying my sophisticated, man-about-town mystique, I just googled "Hottie + Cigar".

Not recommended if your Safe Search is off, BTW.