Human Sacrifice! Dogs And Cats, Living Together! Mass Hysteria!

In the latest sign that End Times are upon us, THE COACH (or, as he is henceforth to be known until somebody in the MSM wises up to how craptacular a coach he really is), The Teflon John himself, admits that his grand goaltending strategy may not, on the whole, be working out quite as he had envisioned.

Ray Emery will be the goalie Tuesday when the Senators host the Philadelphia Flyers at Scotiabank Place. It marks the first time since Jan. 24 that coach John Paddock will stray from the 'win-and-you're-in' method of determining his starter.

"I think there are a few different things that go into it, I don't even want to get into," Paddock said of the decision after today's practice.

But wait! There's more! In a stroke of motivational genius, captured by CTV Ottawa's cameras (and quoted here from memory, so forgive me if I paraphrase), Teflon went on to say this at his daily circle jerk press briefing: "They don't like alternating. All they have to do is stop the puck."

Wow. That's some primo stuff there, John. You know, the more I hear you speak, the more I'm convinced that you spend off days in Kindergarten classes, ripping up teddy bears and kicking over sand castles, just to hear the kids cry.

Emery to Get Start Against Flyers [Ottawa Sun]