Thursday, April 19, 2007

This Rangers Cheerleader-Islander Ice Girl Thing Is Really Getting Out Of Hand. YAY!!

Before waxing philosophic on the relative merits of the phrase Death March of The Penguins as a potential title to our post about Ottawa's inevitable throttling of the Happy Feets, we offer you this as an...hors d'oeuvres, if you will.

Now, I'm sure I speak for all hockey fans when I say that I am shocked, SHOCKED!! that attractive women are being used in such a fasion. And, it would seem that it is a premeditated marketing ploy aimed at we males!! Nefariousness such as this can not be taken lightly: The skaters claim Prince pretended to simulate sex on the ice during one practice and regularly coached skaters to appear more "f---able." She also grabbed other skaters' breasts and used explicit terms to describe their anatomy, the skaters said.

Sadly, without photographic proof of such duplicity, this can only be considered rumour and heresay. And it's obvious to us that this vicious rumor must be in retaliation on the part of the Rangers Cheerleaders to the scurrilous attacks by the Islanders Ice Girl on the Rangers poor, misunderstood and mucal-deprived goaltenders. And it's equally obvious to us that this can only be solved by an open, frank discussion, respecting all parties.

And by that, of course, we mean a long cathartic evening of full contact Jello wrestling. No need to thank us, we are here but to serve.

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