Friday, May 11, 2007

Hey, This Interweb Thingy Still Works! Cool!

For the one of you who may stumble across this site from time to time on the way to free Girls Gone Wild thumbnails and wonder where the hell I've been for a week...well, let's just say that working for a living blows, and leave it at that.

Not that I haven't pined for you, dear misled reader. Oh, I have. But things just kept getting in the way. So without being maudlin...and by that I mean without being a seething cauldron of pent up rage and impotence...I will simply say "Oh MAN, the comedic potential of the last week was immense and I MISSED IT!!" and leave it at that. To wit:

  • My favorite collumnist, after having his "Sundin is done!" story shot down in flames, came across as the petulent child he is on a guest appearance of TSN's Off The Record (the slouch was particularly funny).

  • The New Jersey Devils, after their five game demolition at the hands of the Mighty Gigantic And Magnificent Ottawa Senators (YAY!), immediately began to look forward to next year by pointing fingers at, in order, their future Hall Of Fame goalie, their invisible euro-captain and the Don Corleone/Pillsbury Dough Boy love child himself, who fired the coach with two games to go, and took over. As a distraction to its passionate fan, the club reminded him that it could be worse. They could be moving to Newark. Wait...what?

  • Sunday's edition of TSN's The Reporters featured the panel lamenting on the low scoring in this year's playoffs, putting forward so many idiotic ideas (Make the nets bigger! Go to 3-on-3! Spot the Leafs a two goal lead every game!*), I was in serious danger of a stroke brought on by the flood of potential post topics they were generating. Then a thoroughly enjoyable screaming match erupted over the Shane Doan Affair, in which I was fully expecting (and desperately hoping for) a Damian Cox leap across the desk, Jim Everett like, and throttle Simmons all the while screaming "the fucking camera is over THERE DUMBASS!!" Yeah...that would have been sweet.

  • Finally...the unstoppable force that is Oleg Suprykin. Buffalo now quakes before him, erecting statues in his honour lest the people anger their new god.

There were many other things that streaked across my consciousness this week, but alas, I was powerless to unleash my inner smart ass by twisting them into empty, barely recognizable, but entirely more entertaining husks of themselves. So much work, so many idiots, so little time.

* May have been fabricated by an imaginative wombat. Maybe. I'll have to ask.

Newark Crime High, Study Says [New York Times]

No surgery for Leafs' Sundin: report []

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