Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Okay, Class. What Have We Learned From This?

Everybody take a deep breath and calm down. Like you, I have no idea why the Binghamton Senators were sent to play Game 1, but I have it on good authority that the Ottawa Senators have indeed landed in Anaheim and will be taking part in the Finals, starting tomorrow. We thank the boys from Bingo for their valiant, if futile effort, and assure them that Happy Meals will be served on the bus ride home, as stipulated in their minor league contracts.

What happened last night was as predictable as it was brutal to watch. A nine day lay-off (someday, somehow Alexei Yagudin will pay for this travesty) plus the jetlag (call a huge “bullshit” the next time you here Bryan Murray say it isn’t a factor because “everyone is professional”. Bryan, “professionalism” is no defence against natural physiology. Or so I read in a law book somewhere) plus a Ducks team jacked up on the home crowd’s mojo, equals the worst complete game the Senators have played since Christmas, with the third being the worst period they’ve played since the sky was falling back in November. They were out hit (boy, howdy!), out hustled to every loose puck and out skated. The boys just ran out of legs.

Now, that said, the real danger is letting this ass-whuppin' (there’s no gilding this particular lily) turn into momentum. Here’s what needs to happen right from the puck drop tomorrow night:

1) Hit everything not in a white jersey until it screams, up to and including the peanut vendors. Then hit it again. Especially the vendors. I hate peanuts.

2) Shoot the damn puck!!

3) Chris Neil needs to pummel Brad May, or Corey Perry, or both. At the same time if need be.

4) SHOOT!!

5) Find the forecheck they had in the first three rounds. Shouldn’t be too hard to find. Check under the locker room bench. It should be right next to where Spezz left his manhood.

6) Did I mention that it would be a good idea to shoot some more, you know, just ‘cause?

Last night was Anaheim’s mulligan. The Quacks have shot their load, if ducks actually have loads to shoot (a mystery I am only to happy to leave to others). This Series starts tomorrow. Or, um, the next day. Or whenever the figure skaters give us our fucking ice back...

p.s.: Strangely, no word on how beside himself with glee Mr. Simmons may be. I’d keep an eye out though. The scent of smug is strong on this one.


KMS2 said...

I really, really hope that Perry gets his arse handed to him. I can't stand him!!

scott niedermeyer said...

Go ducks

sens suck