Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sens 4, Bruins 1: Darth Gerber Laughs At Your Pitiful Teddy Bear

Hello, Mr. Carbonneau. I am coming for you.

The Highs:

  • A tightrope? No net? Perfect!: On Coach's Corner Saturday night, Grapes sent a message to The Bryan to the effect that based on his own experience with the temper mental beast that is an NHL goalie (see file: Cheevers, Gerry), Gerbs needed to know, beyond any doubt, that he was THE man in order to play at his best. Well, he's given Martin his sixth straight start and with Rayzor's walking papers locked safely away in the GM's top drawer awaiting only an end of season signature, the "it's your team now Gerbs" message has been received. And the results are increasingly magnificent.
  • This puck will self destruct in 15 seconds: Good morning Mr. Heatley. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is a third straight 50 goal season, despite your lengthy recovery from a separated shoulder earlier this year. You currently stand at 35, with 11 games to go. This translates into a 1.4 goal per game average. Should you fail in this endeavour, we will have no choice but to punch Tom Cruise, repeatedly, in the groin. Should you succeed...well...we'll do it anyway. Only with more glee.
  • Ooooh! I LOVE origami!: I simply must use some space here to give an awe struck golf clap to Bruins' forward, Aaron Ward. After taking the full brunt of an A-Train hit that literally folded him in half, backwards, at the Sens bench, which resulted in a pity-whistle from the officials and the sight of Ward crawling on all fours ever so slowly toward the B's trainers, he was back twenty minutes later to start the second period. Such heroics cannot go uncelebrated. Seriously. My own spine snapped in half out of sympathy. I'm actually typing this with a giant Q-Tip held between my teeth.
The Lows:
  • I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I had a bit of reality blocking my ears: At roughly 10:00 of the second period, Gasbag Emeritus Gord Wilson stated the following (and I am not making this up) "Andrej Meszaros was easily the second best player for the Senators on their West Coast swing". I'm paraphrasing a bit, as the actual statement went on for about twenty minutes, running roughshod over three scoring scoring chances, twenty-seven Dean Brown statistical references and a repeat of Dubya's last State of the Union. Ten seconds later, Mesz tripped over his own skates at the B's blue line, forcing The Dark Lord to make a spectacular stop on yet another odd man rush caused by a Meszaros brain hemorrhage (by my count, number 14 since the Duck game). Even by Gordo's regular lofty standards, this one completely destroyed my Broadcaster Homer-O Meter.
  • This really isn't working out. But we can still be friends: Don't get me wrong, I like Randy Robitaille. I do, really. By all accounts, he's a good guy, solid, dependable, not too flashy...likes puppies. In other words he's exactly the type of guy all the hot chicks in high school "liked" but wouldn't be caught dead with in a closet at a house party. That is to say, Bryan, he has no business being on the top line with Heater and Spez. Now if you'll excuse me, I apparently have some latent issues that need dealing with...
Pithy PPV observation of questionable importance:

For ten minutes in the third period, the demonic duo of Brown and Wilson were mysteriously absent from the broadcast. Nothing to hear but the sounds of the game on the ice, the grinding of skates, the "thock" of a well placed pass, the oohs and ahs of crowd. No play-by-play, no overly convoluted colour commentary, no nothing. If I closed my eyes, I could almost smell the flat, overpriced beer from the concourse. It was glorious.

The Creamy Middle:

We may not have our MOJO back, Sens fans, but we do know where the little bastard is hiding and it's only a matter of time before we have him back in his cage, where he belongs. Last night's game was as close to our true form as we've seen since early December. The legs were moving, the boys were on every puck like a john on a Times Square hooker, and the goaltending was positively money. If I were our four division opponents, whom we face in 9 of the next 11 games, I might tend to be a little concerned. But then...that's just me.

Up Next:

A chance to regain a tie for the division lead beckons, as we travel to Montreal for the first of three games against the Habs before the end of the year, Sportsnet East with the regional coverage. If I may offer the will be nice to be able to measure ourselves against such an elite team. Enjoy!

Behind Enemy Lines:

Seriously. Do you have to ask? While things may get a little heated between us over the next three weeks or so, Four Habs Fans is the place. As long as they stay away from the he-man stripper picks. After all, we aren't the Leafs.


HabsFan29 said...

if you semll fear, you're, uh, right. these next 3 weeks are going to wreak havoc on my heart. and liver. and sanity.

HabsFan29 said...

*smell. already i'm a mess.

Habsfan10 said...

"After all, we aren't the Leafs."


Okay, I have no idea what that means. But it sounded insulting.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Whoa, whoa, WHOA. Now let's not say things we can't take back.