Friday, March 28, 2008

Sabres 3, Sens 2 (SO) -- SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!

Did you ever wonder who discovered milk? Seriously, think about it. Who was the first guy to look at a cow and say to himself "Well, I'll just squeeze these dangly bits here and see what happens. Then maybe...oh I don't know...maybe I'll drink whatever comes out of them." Did you ever wonder that? No? Well I do. I think about stuff like that all the time, pretty much whenever I feel the need for a distraction. During meetings. On long drives. Post coitus. Whatever. I also think of things like that when I'm watching excruciatingly dull yet incredibly frustrating hockey games. I have no idea what made me think of that...

The Highs:

  • Searching for Bobby Mike Fisher...There he is! Always the last place you look: Welcome back Mickey! Two goals to break a two-fer-twenty-eight game scoreless streak means that the suicide pass you dished to Stillman early in the first, almost getting him killed in the process, is forgiven. Besides, I could never stay mad at you, ya big lug. man crush is showing.
  • And lo, a child completely fuck it up: Yo, Brian! ' Yeah, that's it. I think that's what the kids are doing these days. Now, your second game wasn't as strong as your first, but that's okay. And really, whose is? Ask Beloved. But you still played better than Reds has on most nights this season, trust me. But a small bit of advice, if I may: you might want to lay off creaming opposing (veteran!) tough guys into the boards from behind, especially when one considers that you look like the kid who bags my groceries. It's for your own safety. You'll thank me for it later.
  • Dost mine eyes deceive me?!?: A hearty congratulations to Andrej Meszaros (No, really!) for coming to Alfie's defence by absolutely leveling the Sabre player (whose name escapes me at the moment) who had the temerity to face wash The Captain following a goal mouth scramble. True, it was a bit of a blind side hit...and it was late...and it was the most body contact I've seen you involved in all season...but in a game like this, I'll grasp at just about any straw for something positive. Ugh...I have to go take a shower now.
The Lows:
  • *Sigh*...we'll have to start all over again with the Electrical College: The pre-game talking heads made much hay with the fact that the Sens had spent the majority of that morning practice concentrating on "defensive responsibilities". So what happens? A Keystone Kops routine in front of our net leads to Buffalo opening the scoring (I'm pretty sure all five of our fearless heroes took a swing at the puck, but I'll need to check the replay) and the tying goal comes with Christon Philichenkov playing "no, you take it" in front of a sprawling Gerber, who had already slid halfway to Geneva.'d that work out for ya, boys?
  • In goal, for YOUR Ottawa Senators...Mister Super Fantastic Trampoline Guy!: Speaking of whom...You're doing it again Martin. It's what got you benched last year, and what lost you the starting job back in December. Rebounds. Crazy ass rebounds followed by you letting yourself get out of position. It's simple really. Stand up. Top of the paint. Face the shooter. Stop the puck. Now you try.
Creamy Middle:

For a team playing for its playoff life, the Sabres came out absolutely flat, and we should have buried them, early and often, then salted the earth, laid a wreath and been happily on our merry way to the first round. But we didn't (shots on goal after the 1st period? 18-9 Buffalo. 18!!) and we paid the price. And now, I find myself wracking my brains, trying to remember the last time, other than '97 that is, when we hadn't clinched a playoff spot with a scant four games to go. And unless The Bryan has a magic "Defence" elixir stashed away somewhere, we won't see the end of April, even if we do get in. And on that happy thought, I'm going to continue drinking...

Up Next:

If you thought the boys were lethargic last night, just wait until tomorrow, when we play a desperate Bruins team, in Boston, at one o'clock in the afternoon. We'll be lucky if the boys don't take their afternoon naps right on the bench. Oh, THAT's right! We won't get to see it! And why not? Well let me tell you...and I want to make myself perfectly clear here, removing all ambiguity lest my words be open to misinterpretation...*ahem*...SOME PENCIL NECKED CBC COCK KNOCKING FUCKSTICK DECIDED THAT WE DON'T WANT TO SEE LATE SEASON GAMES AND DECIDED NOT TO TELEVISE IT! I'm looking at you Nancy Lee. Stupid, hockey hating, bi-- La-la-la-la-la...I'm okay, now...La-la-la-la. Yep, right as rain. FUCK!

Behind Enemy Lines:

I had hoped to find a Bruins blog that offered a game thread, if only to allow me the opportunity to punch the "refresh" key for three hours while screaming at my monitor...since, you know...I can't actually see the game (Fuck you Nancy! You goddamned, breaths...musn't lose...AAAAAARGH!!), but alas I couldn't. So I'm happy to direct you to The Old Bruins Fan. Nothing fancy, just good, solid hockey talk with none of the panic that someone blogging about a team 2 points out of ninth should espouse. I have to admire that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to write a very strongly worded letter.

1 comment:

David-James Vaughan said...

I have Centre Ice, but I'm at work.

Please feel free to go to my place, wtach the game, eat my food, use my toilet and yell at my girlfriend.

Just please e-mail me and keep me posted on the score.