Tuesday, July 15, 2008

For A Smart Guy, Ray Emery Is Remarkably Obtuse. And By "Obtuse", I Mean "Stupid"

(Photo: Andre Ringuette/NHLI via Getty Images)

Like you, I've had just over twenty-four hours to digest Ray-Ray's little tête-à-tête with Michael Landsberg on TSN's longest running soap, The Vapid and The Clueless Off The Record. And, like you, I've tried to take the time to collect myself. To properly arrange my thoughts. To keep my emotions in check. And above all, to weigh the preponderance of evidence on each side of the argument with the clear-headed, dispassionate impartiality la question Emery deserv--Nay! Demands!

And so, with logic to make Socrates weep and wisdom to drive Solomon to such envious heights of madness, he would have just kept the baby himself, I have reached two inescapable conclusions based entirely on what we saw yesterday. 1) Michael Landsberg is constructed primarily of polyurethane and 2) Ray Emery is an irretrievable idiot whose ego has yet to learn the lesson the remnants of whatever common sense he once possessed have been trying so desperately to teach him.

In other words, Ray you still...Don't...Get it.

For every one of these:
"It started off tough and I just didn't uphold my end of the deal," said the former Senators' goalie. "I thought I deserved certain chances and instead of working for them, I pouted a bit."
There was one of these:
"I wasn't trying to make a statement, (January 28th) was after the All-Star break and I went to the game rink and they were at the practice rink," explained Emery. "I apologized for it then, it was my fault but like I said, I'm not the guy who's really nervous about being late."
For every this:
"I just kind of got away from things. I got myself in shape. I just kind of started to rethink some of the ways I went about things. I'm not going to go into detail. I want to say I made myself a better person and better athlete, whatever, family member. It was a thing I felt I needed to do and I'm really glad I've done it."
There was that:
Emery also denied he partied too much. "No. I like to go out and I like to have fun. I wouldn't be out before a game. I wouldn't jeopardize things like that, I don't think. In my eyes, no, but it's been brought to my attention before."
And that:
"It kind of compounded and I did a lot of stupid things to just amplify it and here we are ... Would I change anything about my life right now? No. I did some things, I showed up late, which you shouldn't, and I apologized for that. I'm not losing sleep over it right now."
You see what I'm getting at here, right Ray? For every agent-penned statement of contrition, just enough of the petulance that marks those with an exaggerated sense of entitlement managed to poke through to render the entire episode another meaningless exercise in public relations. (And as an aside while on the subject of meaningless PR exercises, can we please stop lauding Landsberg's "balls" for asking THE DRUG QUESTION? Seriously. What the fuck did you expect Ray to say? "Why yes, Michael. Now that you ask, I am a raging smack head. Want to see my Ewan McGregor tattoo?" Come on. The real balls would have been in the next logical question: "Well then, in that case, would you mind peeing in this commemorative OTR coffee mug?" That would take balls.)

No, what we saw last night wasn't so much a more mature and pensive Ray Emery seeing the error of his ways and vowing to earn back the trust and respect of the NHL, than it was an hour long job interview for the benefit of the other 29 GMs in the League to whom you will be coming cap-in-hand next season.

Look Ray. I'm not even mad at you anymore. Well, not much. But as one man to another, as one human being to another, you gotta get your head out of your ass dude. If you don't, you'll just become another huge talent that disappears in a cloud of self-inflicted hubris, destined to appear only in the odd "Where are they now?" story (in your case? "Prison" if you don't get your shit together).

You said all of the right things, Ray. Hopefully, after your year of wandering the Siberian wilderness with your borscht and vodka loving Kommrades, you'll actually grow to believe them. Only then, will we.


Anonymous said...

End up in "prison"? Wow, pretty harsh statement! Can NHL teams sentence tardy and immature players to prison time?

Best be clarifying that statement/prediction...

Ben said...

I gotta say I disagree with the premise of your above post.

But OTR is vapid, yes.

Jaredoflondon said...

I agree, Landsbrerg is at least two parts polyurethane

Anonymous said...

Disagree with the premise? Well Benny, maybe you should discuss this with your Profs than. Making statements like that can destroy your credibility if you dont have facts and or proof to present.

Too many bloggers and wannabe media types pretending to know what Ray was up to, but no one has the smoking gun...just witty, half assed accusations and innuendo.

Habsfan10 said...

The good thing is, Landsberg's only about 4 feet tall, so it's not a lot of polyurethane. Better for the environment, although a soy-based Landsberg would be healthier.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Anon (assuming you're both the same brave soul): Not sure how long you've been hanging around my little corner of the tubes, but if it hasn't been for very long, feel free to make yourself at home and have a good look around. As you'll see, I'm prone to exaggeration and a touch of hyperbole. Once you familiarize yourself with my style, you'll see my "prison" statement for what it was.

Which brings me to your (?) second point. I am in no way a "media wannabe" (couldn't afford the pay cut), nor have I ever pretended to be. As I've said in numerous posts, I am nothing but a very passionate fan inflicting my own humble opinions upon a helpless populace.

If you feel that this doesn't meet your particular blog-consuming needs, I can only say "I'm sorry to hear that", shake your hand and direct you to any number of other quality sites in my blogroll.

The "witty" part was nice, though. Thanks! Stop by anytime.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

@Ben: I thought you might, after reading your own take on the subject. So, we agree to disagree then? Excellent! Let us celebrate our arrangement with the adding of beer to bloodstream!

(Pssst...Anon, that was a twist on a Simpson reference, in case you missed it and took it the wrong way. Something else I'm helpless to prevent I'm afraid. Just wanted to make sure that we're, you know, still cool.)

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Jared: I'd fix the percentage closer to 75 myself. He's just so damn shiny!

HF10: Oh, I don't know. Science has made great strides in biodegradable plastics in the last few years.

Jaredoflondon said...

I think the rest of him is made out of pig hoofs, innards and old news paper, Just like hotdogs!

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Hmmmmmm....hot dogs....

Free Willig said...

Hey Anonymous!

If Mr. Cojones was a media wannabe he would probably swear a lot less on this here thingybob he writes.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

FUCKIN' EH, Free! You bring that shit!


Anonymous said...


I'm dumbfounded.

yours truly,

~The man who shot Liberty Valance

(anon, I didn't really shoot him... just in case you think I'm a journalist and may not be backing up my claim with a source and fact)

Sherry said...

"Why yes, Michael. Now that you ask, I am a raging smack head. Want to see my Ewan McGregor tattoo?"

Ray has an Ewan tattoo as well? We're kindred spirits!

And you said basically what I was thinking except a lot angrier with more swearing. Maybe THAT'S how you got so many more comments! (I keed, it was well written). I do disagree with you about Landsberg asking the drug question though. I don't think it took a whole lot of balls to ask it, but it was refreshing that somebody at least asked it. I wasn't expecting Emery to say anything different but at least he got it all out in the open so now it's OKAY to question it!