Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Celebrate The Birth Of Our Nation By Blowing Up A Small Part Of It!

Happy Canadia Day, fellow Hosers and Hosettes! In about an hour, old white guys will start throwing obscene amounts of money at virile young men, in the (mostly vain) hopes that one of them will agree to a long term relationship based strictly on love and mutual respect. But enough about Taiwan. It's Free Agent Day people!

I realize I failed to fulfill my promise of finishing off my "top ten" wish list. As I'm sure both of you were devastated and spent the weekend searching for other reasons to live, please allow me to apologize and assure you that such unacceptable laziness on the part of your humble scribe will, in all probability, happen on a fairly regular basis until the puck drops in October. Hey, it's a long weekend, it finally stopped raining and I had a fridge full of beer. That, and trying to find four more ways to describe Degrees of Inappropriate Arousal without the use of pictures and/or flow charts was fucking exhausting.

If you're curious (and I know you are), the rest of my list went as follows:
  • #4) Cory Stillman (solid second liner we so desperately need).
  • #3) Ryan Malone (Tampa? $31.5M?? You are dead to me).
  • #2) Brian Campbell (can't afford him, but it's fun to dream, ain't it?).
  • And the number one Free Agent I Would Love To See In The Condom Logo next year...Mats Sundin. Too bad his rumoured existence is largely fictional (like fairies, leprechauns and eskimos). Don't tell Gainey though. It's fun to watch him go traipsing through the wilds of Sweden hoping for a sighting (OMG!! They...EXCHNGED EMILS!!111!! /Fanhouse'd).
As for viewing the festivities, your best bet is to stay with Sportsnet, who have vowed to "break into regular programming" (which I believe will consist of poker and competitive tongue piercing) to bring us any big deals.

As for the bright lights controlling the Toronto Sports Network, it would appear that they are loathe to repeat last year's experience whence, due to a lack of action, we were treated to four hours of Duthy and Millbury bitching about each other's hair. Add that to the fact that Fletcher pretty much shot his load at the draft (there's a visual for you, kids!), and you won't see or hear a word on TSN until they do a wrap up show at five this afternoon.

Or, you can stay tuned right here! Through the magic of dial up interweb, I fully intend to shirk my domestic duties and wear out the F5 key refreshing NHL.com, TSN.ca and Sportsnet in order to bring you both the absolute latest in UFA news, while simultaneously surfing for porn. No need to thank me. That's just the way I roll.

Gentlemen, start your chequebooks.

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