Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Alexei Yashin Will Take His Ball And Go Home

As some of you may recall, we had the pleasure a little while back, of travelling through that wondrous alternate universe that is the mind of Mark Gandler, agent to Ottawa's favourite ass pimple, Alexei Yashin, and his musings about a triumphant return to the Senators. Well hold on children, because we are entering the land of Nod one more time.

It would appear that dear Alex is finding the task of securing gainful employment rather difficult, and Gandler is mystified as to why that would be. And he's getting rather pissy about it.

Alexei Yashin, according to his agent Mark Gandler, is not happy with the contract offers he has received from NHL teams.

''We are still talking to some teams. So far the offers we have received we are not happy with,'' Gandler said in an interview with CKNW Radio in Vancouver. ''If we are not going to get what we are looking for, then he (Yashin) will definitely go to Russia.''

''I think that what's making an impression on the teams is the fact that he received this huge buyout. I don't know what else is weighing on them.''

Like me, I'm sure you're detecting the musky odour of collusion in this tragic turn of events. How else to explain the fact that a proven warrior and staunch team player like Alexei Yashin, a man as true to his word as any who has ever walked the face of this earth, remains without a team to call his own. This, ladies and gentlemen borders on the criminal, and it cannot, nay, MUST NOT go unchallenged!

Fear not Alex, I'm with you! On behalf of all right thinking hockey fans, I demand an independent third party launch an immediate investigation into how, in this day and age, the market for lazy, selfish, lying, underachieving, parasitic, cancerous man-children is being artificially held down by the League and those dastardly owners hell bent on receiving value for money.

We will not stand for this Gary. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that the fate of the known Universe, your entire League and Carol Alt's shoe allowance all hang in the balance. Do the right thing, Gary. FREE ALEXEI!

Agent: Yashin not happy with offers [TSN]
Hey Yash, What's That Smell? [Five For Smiting]

1 comment:

Jaredoflondon said...

Help! I'm drowning in sarcasm!