Arbitrary And Meaningless Deadlines Are Such Fun!

When I went to bed last night, Heatley and the Senators had broken off talks for a new contract. Visions of lawyers in suits worth more than my car, throwing paper in the air, calling each other nasty names and storming out of the bar danced through my head. I was convinced all was lost.

Then I woke up to this in the Ottawa Sun:

TORONTO — Talks to keep Dany Heatley in a Senators uniform are heating up. The club’s two-time 50-goal scorer, who can become an unrestricted free agent July 1, could be signed, sealed and delivered on a new long-term contract with the Senators by the time puck is dropped tonight against the Maple Leafs at Air Canada Centre.

Suddenly all was hope and light, sunshine and lolipops, dogs and cats laying together. Salvation was at hand! Then this in the Ottawa Citizen:

The two sides continue to talk, but Stacey McAlpine, one of Dany Heatley's agents, said it's "premature" to say that a new deal with the Senators is imminent.

And now, here I am, torn, eyes to the heavens, rending garments. Then I am struck, in order, by the following thoughts:

A) One of Dany Heatley's agents?? How many do you need? As our friends at Four Habs Fans can attest, the likelihood of reaching any kind of agreement drops exponentially in direct proportion to the number of lawyers in the room.

B) Why is Heater so insistent that in no way will he entertain a contract offer during the season? That it has to be done before 7:30 tonight, or not until the end of the season? Is he afraid that the intense effort required in figuring out how to spend the $6-7 million he's guaranteed to get, no matter who signs him, will so consume him, that he'll forget how to skate, or take precious time away from his otherwise more fruitful pursuits such as ignoring seven year old autograph hounds (more on that tomorrow)?

As of the last update, the two sides are less than $1 million apart on a six year deal. We might be able to lock up a back-to-back-to-maybe-back 50 goal scorer for six years! And that's going to fall apart because his lawyers can't agree with our lawyers on how to find a middle ground on what amounts to Eugene Melnyk's walking around money?

C'mon guys. Get it done, and get it over with. And if it doesn't work today, well, I've heard rumours that business can also be conducted on other days that end in "y". What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?

Star winger, Senators work on contract that could be signed on eve of season opener [Canoe.ca]
No Heatley deal imminent: agent [Ottawa Citizen]