Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sens 3, Red Wings 2: Some Marinara, A Little Lemon Juice -- Delicious!

Yes, I realize that calamari is actually deep fried squid and not octopus, but you do a Google Image search for "octopus balls" and see what you get. I had no idea some of those things were even possible.

Pithy Observations of Questionable Importance:
  • Very classy "welcome home" for Stevie Y before the game. Of course, I'm sure he was all agog over his induction into something called the "Ottawa Sports Hall of Fame" and will no doubt put the trophy on his mantle right next to his 10 All Star Games, 3 Cups, and his Conn Smythe. Yep. Absolutely positive.
  • To everybody at the Bank last night not wearing Red Wings jerseys, I'm terribly disappointed in you. You were presented with a golden opportunity and you let it go. I wanted clown dolls dressed in goalie pads hung in effigy! I wanted soothers and tubes of A-535 to rain down on his head! I wanted Ace bandages (good for abductor pulls, dontcha know) burning in the rafters! What did you give me? About thirty seconds of halfhearted HAAAASEK! HAAAASEK! Weak Sens fans. Just weak.
  • For most of the game, the rink board in front of the Wings bench featured a giant ad for Viagra. I'll stop here and just let the irony sink in for a moment. It was gone in the third however. My guess is Chris Chelios mistook it as a birthday present and ate it between periods.
The Highs:
  • There was more than one Swede on the ice? Really?: The Captain comes through with 2 PP goals, including the winner, to once again remind us why we will have him bronzed and mounted on Parliament Hill immediately following his retirement announcement (you won't mind, will you Alfie?) There was much talk about some "Lidstrom" somebody-or-other before the game, but I didn't notice anybody by that name during it. No word yet on whether King Carl Gustav is planning on launching an international manhunt.
  • Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death: I'll admit, I've been rather harsh with you Ray. But I know what I hate, and your performance last night was definitely not it. I'll even give you a pass on allowing the two goals to blow (yet another) two goal lead because a) you were facing the most dangerous pro hockey team in the known universe and b) I'm well into my Sunday 12 pack as I write this. Keep it up, and more importantly keep your mouth shut and you might just get off the top bunk in our goalie dog house.
The Lows:
  • OWOWOWOWOWOW: 4-6 weeks. That's what TSN was reporting this morning on Heater's separated shoulder. That pegs his return for the 19th of February game against the Flyers. Among the many downsides to this are that a third straight 50 goal season pretty much goes in the crapper, his Iron Man streak comes to an end at a ridiculous 207 games and Coach P loses his opportunity to tell the rest of the league to suck it by putting the Heater-Spez-Captain line out at the All Star Game.
  • "Game of the Year"? Pfffft...who cares. I want to fellate Darcy Tucker!: It's no secret that Grapes is a Leaf fan. And really, Coach's Corner is his show and he can talk about anything he wants. But really Don, would have been too much to ask that, during a game featuring the two best teams in hockey, you take a little time to talk about that game instead of wasting your entire segment blathering on about how the Laffs are "close" and "gonna to turn it around in the second half!"?? Especially when the Leafs aren't playing for another two fucking hours?!?! Put down Peddie's Kool-Aid blowhard, and face the fact that your darling little boys suck. You're embarrassing yourself even more than you normally do.
  • And never again, the twain shall meet: Greg Wyshynski at AOL Fanhouse ran a fantastic piece yesterday in which he asked some of the most talented bloggers from both teams why the League wasn't hyping this game the way, say, the NFL pumped Colts/Pats or Cowboys/Packers, among other things. I'll let you read their answers for yourself (mostly because I can't possibly do them justice here), but my theory is that deep down, the League knows that they completely screwed up with this unbalanced schedule and didn't want this game to draw attention to the fact. And the way the first two-and-a-half periods were played, I think bears this out. There was no passion, no hatred, no heat to this game. Because both teams are so good, and had so much respect for their opponents, the game itself turned into a tentative trap game played mostly between the blue lines. And now, they won't see each other again unless they both make the Finals. So congratulations Gary. You've managed to suck all of the remaining excitement out of what should have been THE regular season game because you would rather have Phoenix play Los Angeles eight times a year in front of ten thousand empty seats. Bravo. Think about that the next time you see a ratings report from Versus.
Creamy Middle: It was costly as hell, and not particularly pretty, but we took the two points, and earned the right to call ourselves the baddest asses in the world, for at least 24 hours. If there's a silver lining to Heater's dark cloud, it's that it will force Coach P to come up with a completely new strategy. One that doesn't involve "Throw out the big line when we get in trouble".

Up Next: The fishermen are coming! The fishermen are coming! The fisherm--wait. That's not very scary, is it? Tonight, at the Bank, Sportsnet East with the coverage (Yippee! No Gord Wilson). I can't be the only guy who misses those Captain Highliner third jerseys, am I?

Behind enemy lines: The Drive For Five lends their talents and surprisingly honest analysis to this night's festivities:
Simply put, this Senators team scares the crap out of me. They have it all, two goaltenders most teams in the league would love to have, plenty of primary scoring threats, a host of solid role players who can contribute and a defense that can contribute on both sides of the ice.
"Two goaltenders most teams in the league would love to have"??? Really?!? Dude, give us a call. We'll talk.


Patrick Hickey Jr. said...

Look at the numbers man, are you telling me that Gerber and Emery aren't the best tandem in the NHL? C'mon dude, seriously.

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Hey Patrick, thanks for stopping by!

I'd have to agree with you on our not so dynamic duo...if this were still November. But hey, while we're on the subject, how about Gerber for Ricky D...straight up?