Around The Boards: All Star Week--OW OW OW OW OW

Blogger Injury Report: Senators Lost Cojones (Liver sprain/partial judgment tear -- Questionable)

As he recovers from a Boys Night Out of truly bacchanalian proportions involving, as it did, gallons of Jack Daniels, broken pool cues, irate bartenders and a rather confused and bedraggled puma, your regular author would like to offer his apologies for the delay of his promised opus, The DaPeddie Code. He would like to assure both of his loyal readers (Hi SLC's Mom!) that work will continue on the manuscript as soon as the room stops spinning.

In his stead, he has requested that I, Sir Humphrey Fartsalot, Duke of Underfoot, newly minted Earl of Crossharbour, and Canine Boon Companion of long standing bring you this latest installment of Around the Boards, a whirlwind tour of link whoring filler the very best that hockey blogdome has to offer:

• First up, HF10, of Four Habs Fans fame, drops the (f) bomb with his All Star Rant on the relative merits of Western Conference All-Star and former Hab, Mike Ribeiro. Epic in its hilarity, yet poignant in its brutally honest portrayal of blind rage tinted with hatred, All Star Rant should be among the front runners for Post Of The Year...if such a thing existed.

• Melt Your Face-Off brings us the third installment of Gary Bettman's Diaries, expertly demonstrating why the Commisar continues to be held in such high regard amongst the sports most knowledgeable fans. Be sure to also stop by their live blog of this evening's annual exercise in effete, non contact sham hockey known as the NHL All Star Game. It will be quite interesting to see if their posts can keep up to the inevitable onslaught of goals. I know I couldn't do it. But then again, I lack opposable thumbs.

• And finally, the lovely Sherry at Scarlett Ice turns her exquisite writing and razor sharp intuition to the travesty that is the current state of affairs in today's Women's fan apparel. I have also been asked to convey my master's assurances that in no way does the fact that several pictures of Alyssa Milano serve as point of emphasis to Sherry's argument, affect his decision to include it here.

So on behalf of your humble scribe, whom I am about to poke with a stick in order to assure myself he is still alive, we here at Five For Smiting wish you a happy All Star Game. Remember, in order to help control the pet population, please have your pets spayed or neutered. But you'd better be bringing the love in the form of steak and gravy afterwards! It really fucking hurts! Fucking Bob Barker...