Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Now Then. Where Were We?

Aaaaaaaand........we're back.

Some quick hits on various goings on I've been too lazy drunk busy to touch on:

The new unis: When Reebok (sorry...RBK) introduced their new "form fitting/aerodynamic" jerseys at the Torino Olympics, my first thought was "God I can't wait to kick the living shit out of the Americans." My second thought was "Where the hell did the players go?" Hated them then, hate 'em now. They look...smaller somehow. In the good old days (last June), a perfectly square block was formed between the top of the pants to the neck. As he was being chased into a corner by a wild-eyed forechecker like, say, Mike Fisher, the defenceman's last thought before the air was removed from his lungs was "Wow, that cube sure is coming fast." Now, it will probably be "Ooo, what a lovely hour glass figure he has. I wonder how he does it?"

I gave myself a week to think about and my over all impression remains: Corset with elbow pads. The solid red/white colour scheme makes them look like practice jerseys (bring back the black stripe across the torso). As for the "new" logo? Naked. Cash. Grab. Then again, things could always be worse. Who knew the Whalers had come back and landed in Lotus Land?

Signings: McAmmond's 3 years for basically meal money was absolutely inspired. The others? Oddly satisfying. When the lockout ended I told everyone who would listen (and a few who wouldn't...I had the bruises to prove it) that in light of the new cap, Cups would be won and lost on how smart GMs were in getting the most out of the third and fourth lines. The super stars would continue to get their stupid money (hello Mr. Sather) but it would be the muckers and grinders that would take you to the promised land. See file: Patriots, New England. So welcome Messrs. Donovan and Richardson. Just do what you do best (and most important, don't bitch about it), and you'll get your rings.

T.V. Schedule: Cover your ears children. What follows may very well be the loudest obscenity you've ever heard. Ahem...*cough*...MORE PAY-PER-VIEW IS A FUCKING CROCK!

There were five last year. There are seven this year. Everybody, and I mean everybody who shelled out bucks for these abortions last year all howled the same thing: NOT FUCKING WORTH IT! The play by play was a simulcast of what Centre Ice subscribers were getting with the added bonus of production values straight out of your Grade 8 AV club. So...what happens? The Senators, citing "a surprisingly large viewership" added two more. Of course the viewership was surprising. We didn't have a fucking choice! So allow me to be perfectly clear Messrs. Murray and Mlakar: It will be a cold, cold day in Hell before I a) recognize Mizzurah, or b) give you money to watch a third rate telecast. As far as I know, the Team 1200 still airs games for free.

Oh and one last thing. Only 220 days until Mark Bell goes to jail. What? You didn't think the Leafs would make the playoffs, did you?

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