They’re Still Pissed At Us For Celine. Are We Sure This Is A Good Idea?

Oh lordy-lord, is this going to be fun/terrifying/fascinating to watch. Our very own Donald S. “Grapes” Cherry will be adding his special sense of je-ne-sais-quoi to NBC’s playoff telecasts.

On one hand, this may vastly improve the NBC “experience” for our hockey neophyte cousins down south. On the other, this may bring calumny of biblical proportions (along with a goodly portion of the 1st Airborne Division) upon the Great White North. There is no middle ground.

"In the States, they wanted me to go on one time in Pittsburgh. Jaromir Jagr, it was when he had long hair and he was with Mario Lemieux and I said, 'There's Mario and his daughter.' It didn't go over too good. That was my last time in the States."

If calling Jagr a girl (and really, who hasn’t done that) is enough to get you banned from the great USofA, what are they going to do the first time he calls out an entire race on national television for being commie lovin' peacniks? I very much doubt the U.S. has a public official powerful enough to put a muzzle on Don. Only Canada’s Official Languages Commissioner has that kind of clout.

But fear not, tender hearts! To ensure that the Bombastic One maintains a calm demeanor, he is being teamed with…Brett Hull. Really, what could possibly go wrong with that?

Cherry to Make Debut on NBC [SI.com]

p.s.: “Better get some plaid” is one of the best quotes of the year and would make an excellent blog title, if I do say so.

And An Even GREATER Umbrage Shall…ahhh…screw it.

Well, it took a little longer than I thought it would but…we have a winner!! First into the pool is none other than Colin Campbell, Director of Hockey Operations, renowned former pugilist in his own right, and Bettman Spokespuppet Extraordinaire!

While you can read the whole article here (it’s too long and not nearly amusing enough for my purposes), I’d like to draw particular attention to two things. Firstly, how often he uses the word “scared”. We might need to confiscate his Man Card. And secondly, this little passage:

Today's enforcers are bigger than ever before, so their punches carry more impact, Campbell argues.
''You take a Tiger Williams, you take a Dave Shultz, or even a Bob Probert of the '90s, and you pit them against our players today- our players today are much bigger and stronger and more well-conditioned,'' said Campbell.

Um…well sure. I’d agree with that. If you took the 90’s version of Williams or The Hammer and put them up against…say…Brian McGrattan today, things could get a little messy. But McGrattan/Williams in 1983? I’m putting my money on Tiger…Mostly because McGratten was born in ’81. Hard to fight when you’ve got one hand clutching your Binky.

Time To Look At The Issue of Fighting Says League Disciplinarian [CP via TSN]

And Great Umbrage Shall Be Loosed Upon The Land...again.

Cover your ears children, for there will be howls of outrage and much gnashing of teeth emanating from the learned scribes south of the border today (and truth be told, a few on this side of the divide…not to name names, but they all appear on TS (Ed. – Shut up! Legal says NO brands!)…er…they all appear on a certain Canadian sports-oriented television network not named “SportsNet” at 10:30 Sunday mornings…or so I’ve heard (Ed. – That’s better.)) about the VIOLENT!! and BARBARIC!! nature of our favorite sport. Entire forests will die to espouse their enlightened opinion that those of us who love this kind of thing are nothing but knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who, when not clubbing our women over the head, are going giggleshits over old Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em tapes whilst sitting in our Cheezie-stained underwear. (Ed. – Suddenly I’m hungry…and pantsless)

It seems that Todd Fedoruk knocked himself loopy pummeling Colton Orr’s fist with his face last night, sparked, it would seem, by Fedoruk’s “rough play” (read: running around like an idiot and cheap-shotting Ranger players) the last time the teams met in February. In a style reminiscent of the great boxing reporters of yesteryear (whose names escape me at the moment…which doesn’t matter ‘cause they’re all dead), AP reporter Ira Podell describes it thusly:

“Just seconds after Orr started for the Rangers, Fedoruk hopped off the Philadelphia bench for a quick line change and squared off with the New York enforcer. The gloves came off and Orr dropped Fedoruk with a hard right to the cheek, knocking him out and forcing him to leave the ice on a stretcher.”

My god, you can almost see the cigarette smoke wafting over the beat up typewriter.

Anyway, judging by the hue and cry that went up after the Neil on Drury hit and subsequent Emery/half of the Buffalo Sabers fight (Best. Goalie fight. Ever. If only because of The Smile), then the Janssen hit on Kaberle (with subsequent pay-back), I do believe that we’re about to be inundated by another round of “Hockey Is Less Popular in the U.S. Than Televised Roach Rodeos And THIS IS WHY PEOPLE!!!” stories. (As an aside here, I’ve never understood the argument that fighting somehow makes hockey too uncouth to catch on in the country that invented NASCAR…which I also love BTW…and spray-on cheese. Maybe they just don’t like ice.)

Please, allow me to simplify this for you Sports Reporter Types before the hyperbole makes your heads explode: Hockey is a contact sport. Hockey has a code. Todd Fedoruk acted like an asshole, violating that code. A well-deserved comeuppance was called for. It was given. The Earth continues to rotate on its axis. Get over it. That is all.

Rangers 5, Flyers 0 [MSNBC.com]