Let This Be A Lesson Young Man: Octogenarian Composers Are Not People With Whom One Should Trifle

Pic swiped from the CBC website. Since they were giving everything else away today, I didn't want to feel left out.

Well, that was certainly a tidy bit of business, wasn't it Scott? You must be exhausted. You should go home and relax a little. You know, loosen your tie. Fix yourself a drink. Sit quietly alone, contemplating a hard day's work. Smash yourself repeatedly between the eyes with a blunt object...

I'm told the kids have a word for what happened to you. It may well have fallen out of fashion, I don't know. It's so hard to keep up with the latest trends, isn't it? Tsk...public opinion is just so hard to gauge sometimes, am I right?

Anyway, as I said, there is a word, the perfect word for what transpired: You got pwned. It means, according to the Urban Dictionary, "to be dominated by an opponent or situation, especially by some god-like force." That "god-like force" Scott, was the CTV Network.

In the likely chance that you remain confused as to the thrust of my argument, I'll put it another way. You were just violently sodomized in the mother of all metaphorical prison rapes. And you brought it on all by yourself. Don't believe me? Check out the language CTV used in its press release. Try not to trip over the gloat...

CTV Inc. has acquired all rights to 'The Hockey Theme' in perpetuity, preserving the song's legacy and ensuring it will be heard on national television for years to come..."It's an honour and a privilege to own such a cherished piece of Canadiana." said Rick Brace, President, Revenue, Business Planning and Sports, CTV Inc.

Yikes. "It's an honour and privilege to own such a cherished piece of Canadiana". If you listen really close Scott, you can almost hear the PR staff in the background, yelling "HAH! LOOOOSERS!" between the pop of champagne corks.

And I really must commend you on the grace and class with which you took your pwning...um...I mean, "business reversal"...

"Hockey is a game, it's not a song," Moore said. "We have the No. 1 sports property in Canada. I don't expect one less viewer to tune in on Saturday to watch Hockey Night in Canada. They will continue to watch their favourite team."

Moore said he was surprised a rival network would purchase something so inextricably linked to the Hockey Night brand. "It's a constant commercial for our network," he said.

Neat trick, that. Calling it just "a song" while at the same time expressing shock that someone else would steal it out from under you because it's such a valuable and "inextricable" part of your "brand". But I suppose "Oh YEAH?!?!? I know YOU are, but what am I??" didn't make it out of draft.

And as for being "surprised a rival network would purchase something so inextricably linked to the Hockey Night brand" you're literally a day late and several million dollars short on that one. Not that anybody tried to tell you of course.

CTV Saves 'The Hockey Theme Song' [TSN.ca]
CTV Purchases The Hockey Theme [CBC.ca]

Dear CBC: Perhaps You've Misunderstood Us...KEEP THE FUCKING SONG!!!

The ability of pinhead elitists to misread or (more likely) ignore the common mood never ceases to amaze me. "There, there", they cluck. "We know better. Now go play with your t.v. and drink that stuff you like so much...what's it called again? Oh yeah!..."beer". How cute!"

Say goodbye to the soundtrack of Saturday night. The iconic, long-running theme song for Hockey Night In Canada will be replaced by a new tune chosen in a $100,000 contest open to all Canadians, the head of CBC Sports said last night.

Um...okay. We (and it's very much "we", remember) are going to spend one hundred large, on top of whatever production costs some asinine CBC-ized version of "Canadian Idol" (please welcome your host, Rita McNeil! And she's dressed as Anne of Green Gables!) will run, just to avoid paying an 80 year old woman $23,000.00.

Ah, but there's another consideration, isn't there? Yes, indeed, there is. One no doubt manufactured by a room full of lawyers pulling an all nighter trying to justify their idiocy in the face of the enourmous, and apparently completely unexpected (at least to the CBC) shit storm their original announcement started. Out of the blue, comes this:

The sticking point is the $2.5-million lawsuit launched by Claman's reps, Copyright Music and Visuals, in 2004, alleging breach of contract and breach of copyright. The lawsuit points to the alleged unlicensed use of the song to sell cellphone ringtones.

This one is an even bigger no-brainer. Did the CBC sell the song as a ringtone, and thereby profit by that sale? The twelve people in my office who have just such a ringtone say yes. Did the CBC pay Ms. Claman the appropriate royalties for use of the song as a ringtone? Apparently not. Otherwise, why bother with the lawsuit?

So here's an idea, Mr. Scott Moore, Chief Pinhead at CBC Sports. How about we...oh, I don't know...PAY THE WOMAN WHAT SHE'S ENTITLED TO! Weird. I know. But I guess Mr. Moore doesn't agree with me. Referring to his Open Mike Night To Replace The Legend, Upon The Back Of Which We've Made Millions of Dollars idea, he was typically oblivious:

"I think it'll generate a great deal of public interest and discussion among Canadians," CBC Sports executive director Scott Moore said last night.

On that we can agree, Scott. It certainly will "generate a great deal of public discussion". Unfortunately for you, most of it will centre around the bunch of clueless, condescending, stuck-up, expense accounting, parasitic fucking morons running the Canadian Broadcasting Corporporation.

'Get Your Guitars Strumming': CBC [Ottawa Sun]