If a Man Can’t Have Carnal Knowledge Of A Deer Carcass, The Terrorists Have Won!

On the heels of our Avian Aficionado, comes this delightful story out of the great state of Wisconsin, home of…um…well…cheese and, it would seem, rather unbalanced youth. (Ed. – Morons! YAY!)

SUPERIOR, Wis. (AP) - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

And, friends, that’s not even the weirdest part of the story. At the time he was caught in flagrente delicto, our boy Bryan was on probation for…wait for it…killing a horse for the same purpose. The final insult (if this is possible)? He may have to register as a sex offender. Wouldn't you love to be at his next job interview?

"So, Mr. Hathaway. I see you're a registered sex offender. "
"Oh, I'm not one of you're average, run-of-the-mill perverts."
"Hmm-hmm...While that wouldn't normally bother us here at [Ed. -- Jesus Christ!! You're gonna get us sued!!] could you elaborate?"
"Well, I kill large livestock then know them, sir. Intimately, sir"
"Get out of my office Hathaway."

He gets out of jail in December. As a public service, I would suggest that all turkeys be stored in locked freezers for the festive season. You’re welcome.

Man Gets Probation For Dead Deer Sex [My Way.com]

Update: Just to stay with a theme, I draw your attention to this. You know, sooner or later, they’re going to start fighting back. Anarchy of biblical proportions people. Biblical!

Um…Mr. Davis? I’m Not Sure That’s What Randy Meant By “Booty Call”

While this site was primarily intended as a chuckle hut for my musings on hockey (Ed.—And morons…don’t forget the morons), I also have to admit a certain weakness for the game only about 5 percent of the world’s population calls “football”. Specifically, NFL football (we might get into my opinions of the Comedic Football League some time this summer…after the NHL playoffs, between a couple of PGA majors and before baseball heats up…maybe…. Unless I can find something more interesting to discuss. Like goiter).

I’ve been a Washington Redskins fan since the day, as an impressionable young lad of 12, I watched John Riggins run over, around and through the Miami Dolphins in Super Bowl XVII and then heard him dedicate his MVP award to his extraterrestrial mother while slugging back a 40 of Jack at the post-game press conference (Ed. – Um…pretty sure you just made that last bit up, but it is Riggins we’re talking about. We’ll get a fact checker on it.)

But I must confess, for reasons that will remain confidential to protect the identities of the disillusioned, a soft spot for the perpetually touring three-ring circus that is the Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders. And by “soft spot” I of course mean “I thoroughly enjoy every step of Al Davis’ gradual descent into madness”. A descent I am only too happy to document from time to time. And this, friends, is one of those times:

ALAMEDA, Calif. (AP) -- The Oakland Raiders have signed quarterback Josh Booty, the former prep star who has been out of football since 2003 and has never thrown a pass in the NFL.

I cannot convey to you the sheer and utter JOY this has brought me this morning. Why? Well consider: The guy’s name is BOOTY for cryin’ out loud! They passed on Matt Leinert and Vince Young in last year’s draft. Hung their hopes on Aaron Brooks (Aaron Brooks!!) Cut Brooks after a…um…disappointing…season. Lose their back-up to free agency. The only QB left on the roster was carrying the clipboard a year ago. Did I mention the guy’s name is Booty??

GAWD that Al Davis! Genius!

Raiders Sign Booty [SI.com]