I Can See No Possible Way In Which This Can End Badly

Just a reminder kids...live bloggin' the Battle of Ontario!

Please join us for an evening of enlightened discourse as members of the OBC and charter members of the Barilkosphere debate the relative merits of their chosen hockey teams in the spirit of mutual respect. Revel in the gracefully civilized point-counterpoint of well reasoned argument. And all this in real time!

God Save The Queen at 7:15. Puck drop at 7:30. First "Fuck the Leafs! Cock!" at 7:32

Oh Yeah?!?! Well, Keep Your Hot Babes. We Invented Time Zones! Take That!

Okay children, we're in the Finals! We're in the Finals with four days to kill until Game 1 (thanks again NBC. Sure there isn't a horse race somewhere? Jerks).

So anyway...We know what that means! That means it's time for everybody's favourite new game...Mock The Ducks! Um...Right. The Ducks. California...Er...Gotcha. I'm gonna bring it! Hide the women and kiddies! Here I come! Ah...okay. Ah crap. This was way easier with the Sabres (we told them it would be twenty-four degrees at game time, and they came by the busload, dressed up in parkas and ski masks. Gawd I love the metric system!).

I mean, really, how do you work up a good hatred for a team your team has played against once in two years? A team whose former name elicited more pity than anything else from Canadians ("Oooo...'Mighty' Ducks? Wasn't that a cartoon? Oh you poor dears. Who's going to want to play with that on their jersey? Have a beer. Just one, mind you. Wouldn't want you getting all crazy on us.") A team whose totally unexpected trip to the finals in 2003 actually made me want to root for them as the quintessential Rudy story? You can't. At least not before any games have been played. What am I going to do?

Can I make fun of their so-called "non-hockey market"? Can't do that. Not with Anaheim being so close to L.A., the same L.A. that didn't give a rat's ass about two, count 'em TWO, NFL teams but has had the Kings for 30 years. Nope, that's no good.

The citizenry? Well, these are the same folks who pioneered gay rights, hippies, women's beach volleyball (thank you), emission standards, tofu, and by inadvertent extension to this last, Whacking Day, in which Albertans take a day off from the ranch to beat Vegans with calcified steer ribs. In other words, everything that drives Republicans, and their close Canadian relatives, the right fringe of the Conservatives, absolutely batshit crazy (except for Whacking Day. They love that). For this we can only thank them.

I was starting to get desperate. Then, on a tour of the Interwebs, I came across the Battle of California (through Battle of Ontario, to which I was directed by a link on Deadspin, whose parent site, Gawker.com made fun of Tom Cruise, who co-starred in Jerry McGuire with Cuba Gooding Jr., who appeared in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon) I found disconcerting evidence of co-operation between camps!

So I gave up completely. I need some time. I need to do some research. Believe me, the only reason I'm not flying into a BLIND RAGE is that...um...you guys seem kinda harmless, in an amusement park kinda way (and you linked my little site on yours. Gosh. Thanks). Plus, Battle of Ontario is way better at this kind of stuff than I am.

But beware! The minute I find some dirt on you guys, you're toast! Get it? Losers? And you still have to keep Celine! Suckers!

p.s.: I'll actually get to my prediction on this series later in the weekend (oooh...guess who I pick?), but I first need to dig up as many embarrassing pictures of Micheal Eisner as possible.

UPDATE: KMS2, of Hockey Ladies Greatness was kind enough to point out that the Kings were admitted to the League in 1967 and are in fact 40 years old, not 30 as I stated above. I had it in my head that they came in during the expansion of 1974. Probably because of the uniforms. Seriously. Does anything say 1974 like Gold and Royal Purple? I think not. In a very groovy way, Five For Smiting regrets the error.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!

Before we go tonight, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the fine gentlemen at Battle of Ontario (Super Happy Fun Game Thread!) and Sherry at Scarlett Ice for adding little ole me to the list of Sens blogs on their respective sites. My first! *sniff*...you guys *sniff*...are awesome. I'm flattered.

I'm hoping to see you guys on the weekend, but I can't promise anything, chock full of Mom's Day stuff as it is. If you get the chance, head over to the game thread at BoO tomorrow night. Be sure to poke Jared with anything emblazoned with Red, Black and Gold, if only to make him giggle like a school girl.

A few things we're musing for posts next week:

-- CBC may not be as couth as Anna Maria Tremonti would have you believe.

-- Darren Dreger, why does he hate so much? Discuss.

-- Where is Pierre McGuire's off button?

Until then, be safe kids. Go Sens, and G'Night!

Abandon Hope Buffalo! Pookie Is Concerned!. Can We Have Our Trophy Now?

If you're like me (and God help you if you are) then you're always interested in what the "other fans" are saying about your team. How did they see the game? What is the general mood after a win? After a loss (always more entertaining)? Can they really be that illiterate?

I was particularly interested in the opinions of Buffalonians (Buffalites?). I've been there a couple of times to attend Bills games and I have to say that, on the whole, I've always found them to be a friendly bunch. That is as long as they think you're on their side. If you're not, however, they will turn on you like a pack of rabid ferrets, albeit ferrets with better language skills (slightly) but with poorer motor control.

All that to say, I was planning a post on the Sabres' fan blogs and how, aside from the expletives, drunken ramblings and bad grammar, they were just like you and me, only dumber. But then life got in the way (see below) and now I've missed the hole shot.

It then occured to me...why would I go through all the research/angst/carpal tunnel when I can simply direct you to those who've already done it, and done it in a way far superior then I ever could?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the post-game 1 Sabre round-up, courtesy of the more then capable scribes at Battle Of Ontario.

Pookie and her oracle. Beautiful work gentlemen. Simply beautiful.

On Effort, Omens, Goalies, and Magic Switches [Battle of Ontario]