Around The Boards: Mascots, And Russians, And Hotties, Oh My!

If there is one thing I’ve learned (or had pointed out by kind hearted friends) since birthing the squealing infant that is Five For Smiting way back in March of aught seven, it’s that there are many, many, many folks much more talented than I out there in the hockey blogosphere. Hence, I give you Around The Boards*, a weekly (ish) round up of what my betters are talking about:

• Who's the hottest hottie of hockey playing hotties? As a heterosexual male, I have no idea (all toothless smiles look the same to me, no matter how coquettish). But if you do, and you're looking to express yourself (see what I did there?) this is the place! Vote early, vote often. [Wrap Around Curl]

• Cold soup, mail order brides and trying to pimp out a Lada may be the least of Ray-Ray's troubles as he begins his Trotskyite adventures. [The Universal Cynic]

• They're fun, furry and largely pantsless on the outside, but, much like Paggliaci or Cliff Fletcher, they die a little more inside every day. They're NHL mascots. [Melt Your Face-Off]

• What could a book of hockey themed short stories entitled The Five Hole Stories possibly be about? If you, like so many of us, guessed erotica, you'd be right! [Sens At Land's End]

*It's July. What the hell else am I going to do?

Around The Boards: All Star Week--OW OW OW OW OW

Blogger Injury Report: Senators Lost Cojones (Liver sprain/partial judgment tear -- Questionable)

As he recovers from a Boys Night Out of truly bacchanalian proportions involving, as it did, gallons of Jack Daniels, broken pool cues, irate bartenders and a rather confused and bedraggled puma, your regular author would like to offer his apologies for the delay of his promised opus, The DaPeddie Code. He would like to assure both of his loyal readers (Hi SLC's Mom!) that work will continue on the manuscript as soon as the room stops spinning.

In his stead, he has requested that I, Sir Humphrey Fartsalot, Duke of Underfoot, newly minted Earl of Crossharbour, and Canine Boon Companion of long standing bring you this latest installment of Around the Boards, a whirlwind tour of link whoring filler the very best that hockey blogdome has to offer:

• First up, HF10, of Four Habs Fans fame, drops the (f) bomb with his All Star Rant on the relative merits of Western Conference All-Star and former Hab, Mike Ribeiro. Epic in its hilarity, yet poignant in its brutally honest portrayal of blind rage tinted with hatred, All Star Rant should be among the front runners for Post Of The Year...if such a thing existed.

• Melt Your Face-Off brings us the third installment of Gary Bettman's Diaries, expertly demonstrating why the Commisar continues to be held in such high regard amongst the sports most knowledgeable fans. Be sure to also stop by their live blog of this evening's annual exercise in effete, non contact sham hockey known as the NHL All Star Game. It will be quite interesting to see if their posts can keep up to the inevitable onslaught of goals. I know I couldn't do it. But then again, I lack opposable thumbs.

• And finally, the lovely Sherry at Scarlett Ice turns her exquisite writing and razor sharp intuition to the travesty that is the current state of affairs in today's Women's fan apparel. I have also been asked to convey my master's assurances that in no way does the fact that several pictures of Alyssa Milano serve as point of emphasis to Sherry's argument, affect his decision to include it here.

So on behalf of your humble scribe, whom I am about to poke with a stick in order to assure myself he is still alive, we here at Five For Smiting wish you a happy All Star Game. Remember, in order to help control the pet population, please have your pets spayed or neutered. But you'd better be bringing the love in the form of steak and gravy afterwards! It really fucking hurts! Fucking Bob Barker...

Around The Boards: Opening Weekend Goodness

If there is one thing I’ve learned (or had pointed out by kind hearted friends) since birthing the squealing infant that is Five For Smiting way back in March of aught seven, it’s that there are many, many, many folks much more talented than I out there in the hockey blogosphere. Hence, I give you Around The Boards, a weekly(ish) round up of what my betters are talking about:

Infinitely more interesting, funny and witty than the term "Lawyers" would ordinarily indicate, Four Habs Fans has become one of the must-stops on my tour of these here internets. It seems Les Glorieux suffered some sort of set back on Saturday night, and the boys at FHF are taking it about as well as one would expect. (And I'm totally swiping that picture).

Hextall454, one of the fine contributors to Melt Your Face-Off, is rather disappointed Senor Gomez decided to sign on Broadway this off-season, rather than Philly. But his mom may be downright homicidal about it.

New Canucks blog, The Humming Giraffe (worth a mention for the name alone) shares some thoughts on Opening Night. Now if we could only get them to explain those jerseys for us...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Don't forget, today is a day to be thankful, eat until you puke, drain your grandparents liquor cabinet and stumble around giving awkward hugs to your hot second-cousin. What? It isn't like that everywhere else?

Around The Boards: Hockey Blogs + August = Fun With Filler!

If there is one thing I’ve learned (or had pointed out by kind hearted friends) since birthing the squealing infant that is Five For Smiting way back in March of aught seven, it’s that there are many, many, many folks much more talented than I out there in the hockey blogosphere. Hence, I give you Around The Boards*, a weekly round up of what my betters are talking about:

Patrice Brisebois returns and Habs fans couldn’t be happier! [Four Habs Fans]

The key to Kansas City hockey? Twinkies! [Melt Your Face Off]

I for one, welcome our new Puck Bunny Overlords. [Dear Lord Stanley]

Scotty Bowman may, or may not, be finished screwing with JFJ’s head. [Behind The Jersey]

Don’t make me go Alex Trebek on your ass. [Hockey Ladies Of Greatness]

*Five For Smiting LLC would like to point out that while this feature is a blatant ripoff of Deadspin’s daily Blogdome, it is meant as more of an homage than easy filler. Really. Totally.